Before Ryan Seacrest took the stage at the Nokia Theatre in Hollywood, word had spread through the interwebs that Lauren Alaina had blown her vocal chords in rehearsal. The American Idol Bench Mob (aka Haley Reinhart) was warming up. Could it be the most controversial switch in the show’s history? Any coincidence this all happens on the biggest sweeps night of the year?!

Surprise, surprise, Lauren was OK – the show even marched a doctor onto the stage to give her diagnosis to the world. We know he was a doctor because he was wearing scrubs.

As for the actual show….do we really have to break it down? It was one of the dullest nights of the year, with two songs we had already heard, some predictably safe singles, and some celebrity picks.

It was shaping up to be one of the most predictable finales ever. Would there be any big surprises? Could Lauren really topple the country heartthrob Scotty? Can I make it through one episode without crying?

Before I blow out my knuckles and call in a backup recapper, let’s find out WHOSINITTOWINIT YEAH!

ROUND 1: CONTESTANT’S FAVORITE SONG OF THE YEAR!

2. Lauren Alaina

Lauren took the stage second, and if nobody had leaked the information, we would never know she had vocal problems. She sang “Flat On The Floor,” and luckily all of her medication didn’t put her there. Good first effort!

1. Scotty McCreery

Once again, Scotty sang the upbeat “Gone” and worked the crowd. He sang it well, just as he did before. It was one of his better performances of the year – slight edge to him in the first round.

ROUND 2: CONTESTANT’S IDOLS’ PICKS!

2. Scotty McCreery

George Straight chose some straight country for Scotty with “Check Yes Or No.” He turned the twang to overdrive, which I’m sure did it for plenty of America. Not so much for me.

1. Lauren Alaina

Carrie Underwood picked “Maybe It Was Memphis” for Lauren, and it really gave her a chance to show off the tone in her voice. Considering the circumstances, she killed it.

ROUND 3: LEAD SINGLES!

2. Scotty McCreery

This was by far the worst song of the night. The “Love You Big” single pegged for Scotty is forgettable to say the least. I loved how Randy said it “wasn’t the perfect song choice for him.” Oh, really? Because it’s only his LEAD SINGLE if he wins this thing. And they wonder why so many of these albums don’t take off.

1. Lauren Alaina

Lauren’s single was much stronger than Scotty’s. It was a heartfelt ode to Mothers everywhere – the “bedrock of society” as Jimmy Iovine put it. It was nice to see Lauren and her mom connect during the song, easily the most touching moment of the night. I’M NOT CRYING.

So now to the big moment of the night. Who will win American Idol? Last week I put the MarcusPuter to the test and voted against it. Let’s see what it says this time.

Scotty: 4

Lauren: 5

Do I go against the math again? Ummmmm………yes. There is no doubt in my mind, as I’ve been saying for weeks, you’re 2011 American Idol IS………

Scotty McCreery.

Enjoy your off-season folks. Hopefully 2012 brings an even more exciting crop of talent, and somebody tells Steven Tyler that he’s allowed to talk in the LIVE shows. Goodnight!

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